I've never actually been this discouraged in my life.  My work is going nowhere, I'm actually terrified of meeting with my boss because I have nothing to show her of my stuff. 

And I really do miss by boyfriend.  Still the same guy but now we are on pretty much different sides of the country.  It's been almost a year now and it's still really hard for me to get use to seeing him every other month.  Talk about difficult, that and I don't really have the money to be traveling now.  Plane tickets have gotten quite expensive now.  But I really do miss him and I guess it makes it worse the situation that I'm in now.

My work has brought me to an all time low and I don't have the one person that usually makes me feel better.  Hopefully things will get better.  I just need to be able to praise god more.

Dear God,

I need guidance now more than I ever have in my entire life.  I can't turn my back otherwise what would it mean to be a christian?  I see how he's stumbling ... but when I try to mention it I end up saying the wrong words.  He gets mad and what am I to do ... I start to get frustrated.  This is the second time I've been visibly upset about this.  It hurts me to see him like this.  I should be reaching out to him but I can't take the pain that it means I have to recieve.  Does it mean i'm not capable of this task?  How am I supposed to help him ... I thought I could help him.  Maybe I can't.  Maybe it isn't my place.  Is this what you had planned for me?  Why am I struggling? 

I miss him ...